PILLOW TALK POST

[afailedmurder]

what it says on the tin

Comments

[rollplayinghouse]

Then come here.

[grabs his hand and tugs him to sit on the bed with her]

[afailedmurder]

[yeah ok]

I wasn't entirely sure what was appropriate under our circumstances...

[rollplayinghouse]

The whole point of our circumstances is worrying less about what's appropriate. I want you here.

[settles in against the headboard, leaning against his side]

[afailedmurder]

Sorry.

[rests his head on hers]

I feel so lost these days.

[rollplayinghouse]

More than before?

[afailedmurder]

I wouldn't say more, exactly...

But not much less, either.

[rollplayinghouse]

Well... is there somewhere you want to be?

[afailedmurder]

[considers that]

I don't know where I can go from here.

[rollplayinghouse]

Don't worry about can for a minute. If you could wipe everything out and start over, what would you want to do?

[afailedmurder]

I'd... want to become the person I always pretended to be.

[rollplayinghouse]

What parts of that person are most important to you?

[afailedmurder]

[can't say smart because he's already smart]

[can't say liked because inexplicably, he is liked]

...He has integrity.

[rollplayinghouse]

Do you not think you have integrity?

[afailedmurder]

Do you intend to argue? Or perhaps tell me that I can change?

[rollplayinghouse]

It was just a question.

[afailedmurder]

It was a question you already knew the answer to. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't think it.

[rollplayinghouse]

Then let me ask a better question. Why do you think you lack integrity?

[afailedmurder]

I'm a liar and a hypocrite. I hurt people who don't deserve it. I help people who don't deserve it. I treat the people who care about me poorly. Shall I go on?

[rollplayinghouse]

You're not always like that.

[afailedmurder]

I'll acknowledge that much. But integrity isn't something that a person possess only sometimes. He has it or he doesn't, and I don't.

[rollplayinghouse]

So you've made it so by definition you can't do anything to change what you're unhappy about.

[afailedmurder]

I didn't "make" it be that way. That's the reality of the situation. I'm cognizant of the fact, but it hasn't changed. I'd act the exact same way tomorrow under the right circumstances.

[rollplayinghouse]

Everyone would act badly in the right circumstances.

[afailedmurder]

My "right" circumstances have a much lower threshold than most people. Have I ever told you what I did to J in that monster cannibal game?

[rollplayinghouse]

...No. What did you do?