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[afailedmurder]

what it says on the tin

Comments

[rollplayinghouse]

Then let me ask a better question. Why do you think you lack integrity?

[afailedmurder]

I'm a liar and a hypocrite. I hurt people who don't deserve it. I help people who don't deserve it. I treat the people who care about me poorly. Shall I go on?

[rollplayinghouse]

You're not always like that.

[afailedmurder]

I'll acknowledge that much. But integrity isn't something that a person possess only sometimes. He has it or he doesn't, and I don't.

[rollplayinghouse]

So you've made it so by definition you can't do anything to change what you're unhappy about.

[afailedmurder]

I didn't "make" it be that way. That's the reality of the situation. I'm cognizant of the fact, but it hasn't changed. I'd act the exact same way tomorrow under the right circumstances.

[rollplayinghouse]

Everyone would act badly in the right circumstances.

[afailedmurder]

My "right" circumstances have a much lower threshold than most people. Have I ever told you what I did to J in that monster cannibal game?

[rollplayinghouse]

...No. What did you do?

[afailedmurder]

In order to spite C, I sent him out to fight against his will.

[rollplayinghouse]

[...]

How did that spite C?

[afailedmurder]

C is incredibly possessive of AlcheME. Essentially, I was breaking one of his toys.

[rollplayinghouse]

[unimpressed]

Really?

[afailedmurder]

What, do you think that after all this time I don't know how to get under his skin?

[rollplayinghouse]

I'm not questioning your ability to spite C. I'm questioning you flippantly dismissing your unitmates as toys. You clearly don't actually think of them that way, or you wouldn't be so torn up about what a terrible thing this was that you did.

[afailedmurder]

...No. I don't see them that way. But I used him all the same, pretending that I was acting in a moment of panic.

[rollplayinghouse]

Do you think you weren't acting in a moment of panic?

[afailedmurder]

I knew exactly what I was doing.

[rollplayinghouse]

So?

[afailedmurder]

So I intentionally hurt him for no other reason than getting back at C.

[rollplayinghouse]

And if you hadn't been in a situation where you or anyone could die and really mad at C, would you have rationally decided that was the best thing to do?

[afailedmurder]

No, but neither of those things are exactly uncommon occurrences.

[rollplayinghouse]

So you need to learn to react better under stress.

[afailedmurder]

[deflating]

The game escalated things, certainly. But he humiliated me, and I'd have done whatever it took to get back at him.

[rollplayinghouse]

So you need to respond better to feeling humiliated, too.