[nope] Killing night 12 - Shuichi

[afailedmurder]

[Akechi is taking Baxter out for one last walk before he holes up, which is to say he's lurking around the infirmary without going in until the raccoons start badgering him. It's only when he catches Shuichi's eye that he tries to act cool and casual about it.]

Good evening, Saihara-kun! I'm not interested in exploring tonight, but if you need an alibi, you can drop by my room.

Comments

[truthstranger]

It’s not pathetic.

[afailedmurder]

You don't think so? I never had to rely on anyone before...

[truthstranger]

Everyone has to rely on other people sometimes. It's good you're trying to do that.

And... anyone would be upset about someone not feeling the same way as them.

[afailedmurder]

That's...

[an embarrassing way to phrase it, but impossible to deny without first acknowledging, and therefore not worth addressing]

A-at any rate, despite concerns on both ends, I believe he and I have come to a mutual understanding. There's no need to dwell on the subject.

[truthstranger]

Mm, if you think so, we don’t need to hash it out anymore. But... it’s good to know how you’re doing. And... I hope you know you have other people you can rely on, too.

[afailedmurder]

...Do you really mean that?

[asking a little too seriously, and scrutinizing the answer closely]

[truthstranger]

Of course I do.

[also serious, and a little bit like, is that even really a question]

[afailedmurder]

I'm not the person I pretend to be. Sooner or later I'm going to kill someone.

[sounding more scared than murderous, but ok]

[truthstranger]

Not if you let people support you. And... you don't need to pretend.

[afailedmurder]

Of course I do. I want you to like me!

[truthstranger]

I'm sure would like you anyway! No, even more so, if you could be honest with me.

[afailedmurder]

[has a seat on his bed. the dog tries to follow but he shoves it off. beds are for people!!]

I wouldn't even know where to start.

[truthstranger]

[after a moment, he also sits down on the bed, though leaving a good amount of space between them and not making eye contact]

That’s... fine. I mean, you don’t need to tell me everything all at once... or even tell me everything at all. Just don’t feel like you have to hide things to make me like you.

[afailedmurder]

All right.

[no danger of eye contact here anyway. he stares at his hands or the floor]

...Back home, I have a food blog. I go to trendy cafes, take selfies, write reviews. I buy overpriced gift boxes to bring in for all the real detectives. But I don't care about food. I don't hate it, I just... don't care. One place is the same as the next. If you've had one pancake, you've had them all.

[there you go, stunning confessions from Goro Akechi]

[truthstranger]

[listens attentively]

...Why do you do it, then?

[afailedmurder]

I thought having an age-appropriate hobby would humanize me in the eyes of my coworkers, and I wanted to increase my social media presence as well to boost my popularity with the younger demographic. I already spent a lot of time doing work in various cafes, so it seemed the most convenient way to kill two birds with one stone. Of course, I also managed to start getting myself free drinks and meals.

That's what I'm actually like. Everything is a means to an end.

[truthstranger]

I see.

...Well, I don't think any of those are necessarily bad reasons. As far as I can tell, the worst part of it is that you don't actually enjoy it. If you really think everything's like that, it seems like you'd be really unhappy...

[afailedmurder]

Ah...

Yes, I suppose that's the long and short of it.

[truthstranger]

...Then, that doesn't seem like a reason to dislike you. It's a reason to wish you could find something that makes you happy.

[afailedmurder]

There were still things that made me happy. Breaking suspects, killing Shadows—things that make me feel alive.

[truthstranger]

[mmmmmmm]

I'm... sure that was satisfying, but... that can't be your whole life. And you're clearly not happy about the rest of it if you feel like you have to hide it from everyone.

[afailedmurder]

I know. I know, but I don't know how to fix it. I can't. I don't even deserve to.

[truthstranger]

That's not true.

[afailedmurder]

[face buried in his arms, he shakes his head]

I've hurt people. A lot of them.

[truthstranger]

...Lots of people have hurt people. I'm not saying it doesn't matter. But if you feel bad enough to think you don't deserve happiness, you obviously care about it, and you won't improve anyone's situation by making yourself miserable.