[nope] Killing night 12 - Shuichi

[afailedmurder]

[Akechi is taking Baxter out for one last walk before he holes up, which is to say he's lurking around the infirmary without going in until the raccoons start badgering him. It's only when he catches Shuichi's eye that he tries to act cool and casual about it.]

Good evening, Saihara-kun! I'm not interested in exploring tonight, but if you need an alibi, you can drop by my room.

Comments

[truthstranger]

I see.

...Well, I don't think any of those are necessarily bad reasons. As far as I can tell, the worst part of it is that you don't actually enjoy it. If you really think everything's like that, it seems like you'd be really unhappy...

[afailedmurder]

Ah...

Yes, I suppose that's the long and short of it.

[truthstranger]

...Then, that doesn't seem like a reason to dislike you. It's a reason to wish you could find something that makes you happy.

[afailedmurder]

There were still things that made me happy. Breaking suspects, killing Shadows—things that make me feel alive.

[truthstranger]

[mmmmmmm]

I'm... sure that was satisfying, but... that can't be your whole life. And you're clearly not happy about the rest of it if you feel like you have to hide it from everyone.

[afailedmurder]

I know. I know, but I don't know how to fix it. I can't. I don't even deserve to.

[truthstranger]

That's not true.

[afailedmurder]

[face buried in his arms, he shakes his head]

I've hurt people. A lot of them.

[truthstranger]

...Lots of people have hurt people. I'm not saying it doesn't matter. But if you feel bad enough to think you don't deserve happiness, you obviously care about it, and you won't improve anyone's situation by making yourself miserable.

[afailedmurder]

[chokes down a sob and just. looks over at him]

[truthstranger]

[he's actually turned to look at him by now as well, though his expression turns more nervous]

...I can't tell you what to do. I don't know either. But...

[afailedmurder]

[turning his body as well]

But...?

[truthstranger]

But... I believe you could figure it out. And I'd like to help you... if I can.

[afailedmurder]

[flounders a bit]

...please help me.

[lifts up a hand and then realizes he has no idea what he's doing to do with it, so there he sits, hand hovering in the air]

[truthstranger]

[he isn't really sure either, but he has to do something, so he reaches out and clasps it with both hands]

Y-Yes. Of course.

[afailedmurder]

Thank you. I...

[searches for the appropriate thing to say to convey how touched he is, and how grateful, and how much his heart is racing]

I won't disappoint you.

[nailed it]

[truthstranger]

[he's even less sure what to do from this point, his own heart starting to beat faster with nervousness and something else—but eventually he moves, not releasing Akechi's hand but moving it down to hold against the bedspread]

Mm, I'm sure you won't. And I'm happy, that you don't want to. I'm happy you want me to like you, too. I do like you, so...

[afailedmurder]

I... I like you, too.

[what is even happening. he should do. something. definitely something. what would a normal person do? no idea. s-scootches a little closer???]

[truthstranger]

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

His heart feels like it might jump out of his throat. He shouldn’t do this. Or maybe he should?? Should he trust his instincts here? Maybe his instincts have been influenced by reading too much dubious erotica. Can he do this, even if he should?

After a pause, he swallows hard and just speaks up again.]

T-To be honest, I... kind of want to kiss you right now...

[afailedmurder]

All right.

[Dilemma solved! He leans in and plants a light kiss on Shuichi's lips in the awkward manner of one who is only conceptually aware of the process.]

[truthstranger]

[He isn’t expecting that at all, and he straightens like he’s been shocked, face flushing hot. But, after a second, he leans in more, and the hand that isn’t still holding Akechi’s rises to cup his face as he kisses him more firmly.

It is unclear if he’s done this before either, but he at least has a very solid conceptual foundation.]

[afailedmurder]

[Encouraged, and getting more enthusiastic by the second, he kisses a little harder and moves to intertwine the fingers of their clasped hands.]

[truthstranger]

[Good. This is surprisingly good, though maybe a lot of it is how wired with emotions he is and how new and exciting the feeling is. He makes a noise against Akechi's mouth as their fingers slide together, and he slides his hand down to settle at his shoulder.]

[afailedmurder]

[Shit, that's a cute noise. Akechi is needy and greedy and he wants more of that and maybe also more than that. His free hand goes to Shuichi's hip, and he tugs, endeavoring to flop down on the bed and take his new friend with him.]

[truthstranger]

Ah—!

[That's unexpected, again, and he finally breaks the kiss fully as he ends up sprawled sideways onto the bed, but he is also very into that, and his heart is beating in his throat as he unsteadily adjusts himself to a less awkward position, a little closer to Akechi, wide dark eyes looking at him from a few inches away.]